Some of my favorites from the ‘Best of Sarcasm’ list:
- If only the people who sucked the life out of you would take some of the fat with them…
- Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.
- No, you don’t have to repeat yourself, …I was ignoring you the first time.
- Whatever you do always give 100% unless you are donating blood.
- My internet is so slow I could just drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
- I’m not sure what’s wrong but I am sure it’s your fault!
- The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.
- I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.” So I bought her nothing.
- People used to laugh at me when I would say “I want to be a comedian”; well nobody’s laughing now.
- My parents won’t say which of their six kids they love the best, but they have told me I finished just out of the top five.
- People who write “u” instead of “you”. What do you do with all the time you save?
- I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
Okay, enough of that…