Just in case you have been away, the new year is now upon us…
These were my New Year’s Resolutions from 2015. I used them again for 2016 and thought I would recap the results.
- I will promise myself not to eat the meat of any Sasquatch or Yeti. I would guess they probably taste just like chicken anyway.
- I will promise myself to lose 0 pounds this year. I had to change this number to 0 for medical reasons. Had my weight loss resolutions from earlier years all been consummated, I would have lost a total of 1,425 pounds. My doctor advised that that kind of weight loss would have been unhealthy for me in the long run.
- I will promise myself to remember my wife is always right no matter what. My wife thought it would be a good idea for me to add this one no matter what.
- I will promise myself not to squander any multimillion dollar sweepstakes winnings in 2015 on a bawdy car, an extravagant yacht or the like. I humbly await the sweepstakes’ team to knock on my door.
- I will promise myself not to accept the nomination for President of the United States. And if I am elected, I will not serve. (This resolution will carry over to 2016 as well.)
- I will promise myself not to embarrass my daughters by using my flip phone in public. This might stand as the most difficult resolution of all – sometimes I just cannot restrain myself.
–No problem with this one, although I did eat at McDonalds a couple of times and who knows what was on those sandwiches.
–Success here; this will be on the list again for 2017.
–My wife thought it would be a good idea for me to add this one to the list again no matter what.
–No knocks on the door yet.
–I would have had the nomination had it not been for those pesky Russians.
–I could not restrain myself.
Maybe this year will be better…